PTSD: Unveiling the Invisible Struggles
Being diagnosed with PTSD at 33 was something I never expected. I had always thought that PTSD was something experienced by war veterans or people who had undergone extreme physical trauma. But when my therapist told me I was living with it, I was taken aback. How could I—a physically fit wellness advocate who’s passionate about health and fitness—have PTSD?
I felt a bit lost. I thought I was supposed to be the person who could handle everything, who could inspire others to push through their struggles. How could I reconcile that with a diagnosis that seemed to contradict everything I knew about strength and resilience?
What is PTSD?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after someone experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. It’s not just about the big, obvious traumas like war, natural disasters, or violence—it can also stem from prolonged emotional pain, loss, or situations that trigger deep, unresolved fear or sadness. PTSD doesn’t have one face; it can affect anyone, regardless of how “strong” or “together” they appear to be on the outside.
For me, my PTSD was born out of years of grief, anxiety, and loss—the loss of my mum in 2019, my grandad, and my nan, all within the span of just five months. It wasn’t just the emotional weight of these losses; it was the sheer responsibility of managing everything for my mum. She had been so sick for so long, and my siblings and I were left to navigate the chaos of funeral plans, estate matters, and trying to hold everything together.
And in one of the most traumatic moments of my life, my sister and I found our nan dead. That moment is forever imprinted in my mind—the shock, the devastation, and the overwhelming sense of helplessness. All of this compounded, and I wasn’t able to process it properly at the time. The trauma built up, and it started to take its toll on me in ways I couldn’t yet understand.
The Struggles
At first, I didn’t recognize how much my past trauma had impacted me. I thought I was fine. Sure, I had some anxiety and depression, but PTSD? That didn’t make sense to me. I had always pushed through my challenges, tried to stay positive, and kept moving forward. But when I started therapy and began diving deeper into my feelings and reactions, everything began to shift.
I started to identify the triggers that set me off—certain smells, sounds, or situations that would send my heart racing or make me feel like I was losing control. I began to realize how often I avoided situations that made me feel vulnerable, how I would shut down emotionally to protect myself from the pain I hadn’t fully processed. It was eye-opening to realize how much my past had shaped my present, and how much I had been trying to control things in my life to feel safe.
The therapy process was difficult, but it was also liberating. I had always prided myself on being in control, but I saw how my controlling behaviors were actually a defense mechanism, a way to protect myself from feeling out of control. Recognizing this was the first step toward breaking the cycle.
The Healing Journey
Being diagnosed with PTSD was the beginning of a long journey. It was uncomfortable at first, and I had to face a lot of things I wasn’t ready to confront. But through therapy, I’ve learned to explore my emotions, confront my triggers, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy has become a safe space for me to examine how my past is influencing my present, and how to gently release the control I’ve been holding onto for so long.
Even now, I’m still in therapy, working through the layers of my trauma. It’s a process—one that doesn’t have a set timeline—but it’s one I am committed to. Slowly but surely, I’ve started to recognize the importance of self-compassion, letting go of shame, and understanding that healing isn’t linear.
Words of Hope for Anyone Struggling with PTSD
If you’ve been diagnosed with PTSD or are struggling with the aftermath of trauma, please know that you are not alone. It can feel isolating and confusing, especially when the symptoms are invisible to the outside world. But there is hope. You can heal.
It’s important to remember that PTSD doesn’t define you. It’s a response to the trauma you’ve experienced, not a reflection of your strength or character. Therapy, support from loved ones, and taking small steps toward healing can make all the difference.
I won’t pretend that it’s easy, but you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Healing is possible, and with time, patience, and self-awareness, you can find peace again.
Your past may have shaped you, but it does not have to control your future. You are worthy of healing, and you are stronger than you realize.