Anxiety : A journey through the storm
For as long as I can remember, anxiety has been a constant companion in my life. It started when I was just 14 years old, not long after my mum was diagnosed with cancer. As a young girl, I felt a heavy weight of responsibility—looking after my mum, trying to be strong, and still figuring out who I was. I didn’t know it at the time, but that pressure started to create a ripple effect, one that would carry with me through many of the toughest years of my life.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is more than just feeling nervous before a big event. It’s a constant undercurrent of fear, worry, and tension. It’s the physical sensation of your heart racing, your mind spinning, and your body feeling frozen in fight-or-flight mode. It’s a sense of dread that’s hard to escape, even when you’re safe and everything is calm.
For me, anxiety became part of my daily experience, though I didn’t fully understand it until years later. I could manage it for a while—pushing it down, ignoring it, telling myself that I had to keep going. But in 2019, when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, it finally hit me: I wasn’t just feeling stressed or overwhelmed. I was living with a mental health condition that needed attention and care.
The Struggles
There were times when my anxiety felt suffocating. I remember during my teenage years, trying to balance my schoolwork, my mum’s care, and the normal pressures of growing up. I would feel my chest tighten, unable to take a deep breath. At 18, when I learned that my mum’s cancer was terminal, I felt like I couldn’t breathe at all. The anxiety intensified. It wasn’t just about school anymore; it was about how to live in a world where something so deeply painful was happening right in front of me.
As I grew older and began my career, the anxiety didn’t go away. If anything, it became more insidious. I struggled with sleepless nights, irrational fears, and a constant sense of unease. But, at the time, I didn’t feel I could show it. How could I, when I was also trying to be a confident and capable teacher? I was afraid that if anyone saw the anxiety, they would see me as weak or incapable.
Then came the loss of my aunt and a cancer scare in the family. That’s when everything unraveled. Anxiety turned into something far more consuming—something that didn’t just exist in moments of stress, but in every moment. I was diagnosed with PTSD soon after.
The Healing Journey
It wasn’t until I started therapy that I began to truly understand my anxiety and its power over me. Therapy gave me the space to confront it, to understand the root causes, and to learn how to manage it. Anxiety didn’t disappear overnight, but with time, I learned how to create boundaries, use breathing exercises, and give myself the grace to not be “perfect” all the time.
Words of Hope for Anyone Struggling
If you’re struggling with anxiety, know this: You are not alone. Anxiety is powerful, but you are more powerful. It can feel isolating and overwhelming, but there is hope. It’s okay to feel afraid. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Your worth is not defined by your anxiety or the way it shows up in your life.
Reach out when you need support—whether it’s through therapy, talking to a friend, or just taking a moment to breathe. You don’t have to face this alone. There are so many ways to manage anxiety, and every small step counts. If you can take one moment, one deep breath, one step toward healing, then you’re already moving forward.
Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best, and that’s more than enough.