Depression : Finding light amongst the dark
Depression is a battle that doesn’t always show on the outside. It’s easy to tell someone with a broken arm to rest, or to help someone with a fever get the right care, but what happens when the pain is invisible?
For years, I lived in a cloud of sadness, numbness, and overwhelming despair. The loss of my mum in 2019 was the catalyst for it, but it was also the culmination of years of trying to manage the weight of caring for her while also trying to hold my life together. When she passed, everything in me seemed to shatter, and I didn’t know how to pick up the pieces.
What is Depression?
Depression isn’t just feeling sad for a few days. It’s a persistent and overwhelming sense of emptiness that can feel like a heavy fog surrounding you. It’s the inability to find joy in things that once made you happy. It’s fatigue, a constant drain on your energy, even when you’re not physically tired. Depression can feel like a constant weight pulling you down, leaving you feeling hopeless and disconnected from the world around you.
After my mum passed away, I found myself on my sister’s sofa, unable to get up, unable to move forward. I wasn’t working, I wasn’t socializing, and I barely had the energy to take care of myself. I felt completely lost. Every morning, I woke up in the same dark place, not sure how to face the day or if I could face it at all. The sadness wasn’t just emotional—it was physical.
The Struggles
There were many dark moments, some of which I feel deeply ashamed of. I had thoughts of ending my life, not because I didn’t love the people around me, but because I couldn’t see how I could keep going. I felt like a burden to my family and friends, even though they were doing their best to support me. The pain was unbearable, and it felt like there was no way out.
But those thoughts and feelings, as overwhelming as they were, weren’t the end of my story. I now realize that during those times when I couldn’t see the light, I was still moving through it. I didn’t have the strength to get up on my own, but I had people who kept me going, even when I didn’t know how to ask for help.
The Healing Journey
It took me time to realize that depression wasn’t something I could just snap out of. It wasn’t weakness, it wasn’t laziness—it was an illness. I needed to face it, understand it, and give myself the space to heal. I began taking medication, which helped stabilize me enough to begin my healing journey. I also started professional therapy, which gave me the opportunity to unravel the layers of grief, anxiety, and depression that had built up over the years. I had to start with the basics—getting out of bed, eating regular meals, and slowly working through the fog. It was a long process, and it was far from easy.
But I also realized that I couldn’t do it alone. It was okay to ask for help. It was okay to lean on those who loved me and to allow them to help me carry the weight of my depression.
Words of Hope for Anyone Struggling with Depression
If you’re struggling with depression, please know that you are not alone. I’ve been there, and it can feel incredibly isolating, but there is a way through. Your life matters, and even when the darkness feels suffocating, there is hope. Healing is possible, but it doesn’t happen overnight. It happens one small step at a time, sometimes with setbacks, but always forward.
Please don’t be afraid to reach out for support—whether it’s through therapy, talking to someone you trust, or simply taking a moment to be kind to yourself. You deserve to feel better, and even though it may seem impossible, that moment will come.
You are stronger than you realize. You are worthy of love, care, and healing. If you can take just one small step today, that’s progress. And remember: it's okay to not have all the answers. Sometimes, surviving the day is enough.